Too Many Beasts Spoil Your Day
by DarkSabertooth
Summary: Hank is having troubles of his own with a bored Iceman.Unfortunately two X-Babies have just arrived from the Mojoverse and Jubilee has brought one home.How much trouble can one Dark Beast X-Baby cause anyway?
1. Default Chapter

**Too Many Beasts Spoil Your Day**

****

**Mojoverse**

The Mojoverse, a parallel universe once run by the bizarre creature known as Mojo. The inhabitants of this universe were addicted to television and thus Mojo had been constantly producing new series for the all important maximum ratings. One of his most popular subjects had always been the mutant outlaws known as the X-Men. Therefore he'd been constantly harassing them for years even going so far as to create child versions of them. These were the cute, adorable little annoyances known as the X-Babies.

Things were different nowadays, the Mojoverse lay in ruins. Mojo had made one terrible mistake, his production of an Age of Apocalypse mini-series ran away with him. The Apocalypse X-Baby gathered an army of followers and led them on a destructive rampage of which one of the first victims was Mojo himself. Now that he'd finally conquered the entire Mojoverse boredom had set in. The miniaturized villain knew the only thing that could relieve his ennui would be new worlds to conquer. Fortunately he had his own pet mad scientist to help him.

"You pwomised you would have the devithe ready ages ago Dark Beathtie. Do you want me to have one of my tantwums? I want to go and conquer the univerthe and if I don't get to do it thoon I'll jutht have to kill you instwead," Apocalypse's voice was dangerously close to a whine as he glared from the view-screen.

"Hey cool your jets A, I've finished it. Just needs testing and now I've got a vi- volunteer I'll know for sure if it works. With any luck we'll be conquering new worlds faster than I can munch a Twinkie."

Dark Beastie grinned toothily and signed off. He sighed with relief, tousling his long dark shaggy hair with a claw. He'd been working flat out trying to construct a workable inter-dimensional portal but it wasn't made any easier by Apocalypse's constant threats and tantrums. As far as Dark Beastie was concerned he'd be a far better leader. Especially since he'd been gifted with the brains and he was the best looking X-Baby. Dark Beastie smoothed down his fur and grinned as he admired his reflection in the mirror.

"Hey bub what happens if ya press this button?" asked Wolvie innocently enough.

"Don't touch that you moron, it hasn't been tested yet," shrieked Dark Beastie.

"Don't ya call me a moron shaggy," growled Wolvie his temper flaring.

He popped his miniature claws and took a wild slash at Dark Beastie. The small furry mutant ducked as the claws instead slashed the insanely complicated portal device. A crackle, some ominous hisses and a whiff of smoke were the only warnings before the whole kit and caboodle hopelessly malfunctioned. With a shriek the munchkin mad scientist and the pint-sized feral were sucked into a dimensional rift.

"Oh poot," moaned Wolvie.

"Stars and freaking garters," roared Dark Beastie.

**Xavier Institute for Higher Learning**

Hank's usually mild blue eyes were smoldering slightly behind the wire-framed glasses. The furry blue scientist folded his arms across his chest and continued to glare at the intruder. The object of his disapproval Bobby Drake simply smiled guilelessly and continued inspecting Hank's experiments. Bobby's eyes lit up as he descended upon a phial of serum. 

"Eau de Beast? Hey Hank, I thought you decided it was too dangerous to produce any more of this. I mean it was just totally overpowered if you know what I mean. I know I'd always dreamed about being that successful with women but they do say be careful what you wish for," 

A blue furred hand reached out and snatched the serum, placing it into a pocket of his lab coat.

"Well yes Bobby, I remember it was a little potent so I toned it down. This small sample is purely for research purposes," muttered Hank somewhat hastily.

As Bobby quirked an eyebrow Hank simply shrugged and pointedly turned his back. Before Bobby could get any more ideas about the cologne he decided it would be best to put it somewhere safe. He said a few stern words to Bobby about not touching any equipment and with a final glare headed out of his laboratory. He certainly didn't want Bobby getting hold of the cologne when he needed it for tonight. Tonight he'd be having dinner with a lady he was rather fond of and he wanted to be his best.

"Bobby I warned you not to touch anything,"

Bobby hastily withdrew his hand from the gadget and shoved his hands into his pockets. Whistling tunelessly he put on an almost perfect look of wounded innocence. At Hank's polite cough he reluctantly emptied his pocket of several Twinkies. Hank's heart finally ceased its rapid palpitations. He remembered only too well what had happened the last time Bobby had gotten hold of an experimental Twinkie. That was the problem at the moment; Bobby seemed bored and had obviously decided to spend some time with his good friend Hank.

"Hank you really shouldn't be so snappy with me. I mean we're best buddies remember. Can't a guy just hang out and have some fun with his oldest friend?"

"Yes but perhaps later on. At the moment I'd prefer to be left in peace to carry on with my experiments. For example that little gadget you were fondling was part of the supercharged engine I'm constructing for Logan's motorbike. I'm sure you wouldn't want to end up back against the wall with adamantium claws at your throat. Anyway a lot of these experiments are hmm, Christmas presents for next year. I'm starting early and planning them as surprises including yours. Now you don't want the surprise spoiled do you?"

Hank was not surprised when Bobby took no heed of his hastily and rather flimsily constructed excuse. The problem was trying to find a way to get Bobby to leave without upsetting him. After all much as he might irritate him Bobby was his best friend. Hank was also too much of a gentleman to just throw him out of the lab. Fortunately Bobby's attention seemed to have wandered away from the experiments and to another dimension entirely.

"You know, I love the T-shirt Hank, goes nicely with the fur. Speaking of the fur, it looks sleek and silky smooth. Would I be permitted to feel if it's really as soft as it looks?"

"Conditioner Bobby, still by all means you may touch the fur. Just don't rumple it too much; I need to look my best for tonight."

Bobby managed to suppress the urge to grin. Even as he was lightly brushing the fur on Hank's arm he was reaching for another serum. Hopefully Hank would be too busy purring to notice one little serum go missing. Alas for him, a hand closed on his shirt-front.

"Sorry Bobby but the bouncing, bodacious ever-effervescent Beast has finally run out of patience. I must ask you kindly to leave."

"Hey put me down Hank, oh man, tell me you're not going to bench press me. No have mercy Hank," pleaded Bobby desperately.

**Somewhere in ****New York******

**"**Oh my aching head. Where am I? Who am I? Why am I asking so many questions? Why can't I remember anything?" groaned Dark Beastie rubbing his head.

The last thing he remembered was falling through something and then banging his head. Blackness had followed and now he'd woken up apparently suffering partial amnesia. He couldn't even remember his own name properly. Something like Harry, Perry, Henry, Hank, Honk, none of these really seemed to fit. Maybe it was something more like, McCoy. That still didn't seem quite right, maybe Mack. Yes he liked that so he'd go for it. Happy to have found himself a name Mack staggered to his feet.

"Stairs and carpets, I'm Mack and I'm gray, furry and small. Hmm yellow eyes too, guess I'm some sort of, hmm mutant that's it! Yeah I'm a mutant and that will do for now," he muttered as he gazed down into the puddle.

Scratching his furry chin thoughtfully he wandered out of the alleyway and paused in the shadows. Had there been someone with him? This thought was banished from his mind when a young woman in a long yellow coat stopped dead in front of him. For a second Mack thought he'd frightened her when a smile broke out on her face. Blue eyes glinting Jubilee bent and hugged the small Dark Beast.

"Hi, you must be an X-Baby and you are like so cute. Now don't you worry little guy because Auntie Jubilee is going to look after you. You kinda look like a big Beast I know. Oh I bet the others are going to love you. Come on little guy I'll take you home."

"Score," thought Mack triumphantly.

**Nearby**

"Are ya freaking kidding me? Yer even smaller than the runt and ya want ta fight me? Beat it pipsqueak, don't make me laugh," growled Sabretooth.

Then he broke down into a fit of full blown guffaws, just laughing until his sides ached. The miniature Wolverine perched on the wall growled menacingly and slashed out with his claws slicing cleanly through one of Sabretooth's muttonchops.

"I'll get yer fer that ya little pipsqueak," snarled Creed lunging for Wolvie.

Wolvie hopped down from the wall, dodged Creed's blows with ease and stuck out his tongue. Snarling Creed chased after the midget feral. Then suddenly he felt a sharp pain as Wolvie sank his miniature adamantium claws into his boot ripping through the leather and deep into his foot. Howling in agony Creed hopped about clutching his injured foot. A small but heavy weight landed on his chest. Toppling backwards Creed ending up flat on his back with a grinning Wolvie perched on his chest.

"Say uncle," sneered Wolvie waving his claws menacingly in front of Creed's nose.

"I'm never going ta live this down," Creed snarled in disgust.

**Back at the mansion**

Hank was finally enjoying a quick reading session in his favorite armchair. He hadn't done anything too nasty to Bobby. He'd simply settled for suspending him several feet in mid air while he lectured him on why it was a very foolish thing to mess about with his experiments. Maybe he could have been a little more lenient and not thrown Bobby in the swimming pool but there'd been no real harm done. Bobby might not be speaking to him at the moment but at least he was getting some piece and quiet.

Hank flicked the pages, engrossed in a particularly enthralling chapter of his crime novel. Suddenly he was distracted by a rather cold sensation. Cold, slippery ice cubes slid down the soles of his feet and the tickling was proving unbearable. Roaring with laughter Hank fell out of his chair with a thud ending up in an undignified heap at Bobby's feet.

"That's payback for dumping me in the pool Hank,"

"Oh it won't be the swimming pool next time my friend, it will be the lake," growled Hank.

Grabbing Bobby's ankle he pulled him down. Bobby struggled valiantly but Hank managed to grapple with him and get him in an arm-lock. A triumphant grin spread across Hank's hirsute face as he decided he'd be magnanimous in his victory. He'd only make Bobby think he would end up in the lake. Let Bobby sweat a little before he showed mercy.

"Do you yield Iceman?"

"Never," growled Bobby and Hank shivered as small icicles formed in his fur.

Hank growled menacingly and tightened his grip just a little. Bobby yelped and began frantically begging for mercy.

"Would you guys care to explain to me precisely what you're doing? I mean is this like male bonding or have you just been overdoing the Twinkies again?"

Both men at least had the grace to look embarrassed as Jubilee glared at them.

"Never mind, I really don't want to know. Anyway I'm expecting you to set a good example for my new friend. Come and say hello Mack."

Hank's blue eyes widened in shocked surprise as Mack shuffled nervously from behind Jubilee.

"Stars and garters, a miniaturized version of my alternate universe counterpart,"

"Stairs and carpets, that big blue shag-rug kind of looks like me," Mack whistled with surprise.

Hank glared as Bobby and Jubilee broke down in a fit of helpless giggles. Somehow he knew Mack was going to bring nothing but trouble.


	2. Can I Keep Him Hank?

**Can I Keep Him Hank?**

****

Hank supposed there was a minute possibility that Bobby was right and it had been a genuine accident. Maybe he really had tripped over the edge of the carpet and thereby doused Hank with the bucketful of soapy water. What possible reason could he have had for carrying that bucket in the first place though? Well the last laugh would definitely be Hank's though. He certainly presented a hilarious sight, just standing there with his fur dripping wet and his hair and sideburns plastered back against his skull. Bobby was far too busy laughing his head off and slapping his thighs to notice Hank's glare. Perhaps the growl gave him a moment's warning. If so it was far too late as three hundred and fifty pounds of furry blue muscular mutant slammed into his chest and knocked him flat on his back. Laughter died on Bobby's lips as he gazed up into blue eyes which held little trace of their usual compassionate nature. With Hank kneeling on his chest he was quite effectively pinned and at Hank's mercy.

"Well Robert Drake, whatever am I going to do with you? I'm afraid you're going to learn that when I'm angry I really do live up to the nom de guerre. I'm angry now Bobby, especially since that was one of my favorite T-shirts. Now let's see if I can think up a suitable punishment," 

Hank began scratching his chin as his devious intellect sought a suitably dire punishment.

"Please Hank, I'm sorry. Please, we're best buddies and you really don't want to hurt me do you? The 'bouncing, bodacious, ever-effervescent Beast' wouldn't want to throw his best buddy in the lake now would he? I'm really most unreservedly and genuinely repentant. I swear I'll never pull another prank again if you just show me some mercy."

Bobby gulped nervously as Hank's grin only grew broader.

"Oh no Bobby, the lake would be far too merciful and lenient a punishment. Let's see, maybe I ought to use some of my Eau de Beast on you and give you to Emma Frost. Maybe I ought to volunteer you to be Logan's sparring partner for a week. Maybe I could really be cruel and say confiscate a few of your more treasured possessions, say your video collection for a month. Or maybe I could just get a nice piece of slate and sharpen my claws on it for a few hours," Hank's voice was eerily calm as he extended a clawed finger and lightly stroked it down Bobby's cheek.

"Please Hank; I'm sorry, no more pranks today, maybe none for a week."

"Hmm I could almost believe that was a genuine promise, almost."

Hank leaned forward; face barely inches from Bobby's own. Bobby gulped nervously finding himself entranced with Hank's impressive canines.

"Hank, please believe me, I'm sorry. I promise no more pranks for a week if you just let me go. I'm sorry, man I'm sorry."

Catching the slight edge in Bobby's voice, Hanks menacing grin became a warm affectionate smile. Jumping off Bobby's chest he lifted him up by the collar and dangled him at arm's length for a moment. Hank showed Bobby his fangs in a snarl and then set him down.

"Never let it be said that I'm anything less than compassionate. I'm going to be merciful this time and let you go without punishment. If you really want to show me you're sorry then why don't you go and sit up a tree for a couple of hours. Take the time to reflect on the folly of starting a prank war with someone who's a lot stronger, faster and certainly smarter than you. Next time Bobby I might just have to _really get nasty_," Hank ruffled Bobby's hair and sent him on his way with a pat on the back.

"Yes sir I'll do just that, anything that the Beast orders," gulped Bobby. As he hurriedly retreated head bowed in shame Hank's laughter rang in his ears.

**Hank's room shortly thereafter**

"Ah stars and garters, peace at last to finish my novel."

Hank was being cautious just in case Bobby decided to renege on his promise. Fortunately his clawed toes were more than adequate to anchor him to the wall. This way he'd be able to spring into action the instant Bobby walked into the room. His plan was simple but effective. His comfortable squat as he clung to the wall was just perfect for a pounce. His powerful thigh muscles were poised to propel him forwards. His spring could easily take him right to the doorway and surprise Bobby. The momentary shock should be long enough for him to just get a firm but gentle grip on Bobby's collar before escorting him to the lake. Hank was hoping it wouldn't come to that though.

He was just nicely settled again now, after a quick shower and change of clothing. A rather tatty pair of camouflage trousers and a plain black T-shirt had been the first things out of the drawer. That over with he could settle down and finish his book in peace. Hank frowned as he heard a knock at the door. Pausing to place his book down and slip off his reading glasses he tersely gave permission to enter. Tensing he sprang and then realizing it was Jubilee and not Bobby he settled for hanging upside down from the ceiling.

"Jubilee, if it's about the X-Baby, then the answer is still no. You can't keep him and that's final."

"Hey Hank, I didn't come here to talk about Mack, well maybe just a little. I just wanted to have a talk with you. You know Hank I just love watching the way you move. I mean I don't think I'll ever get tired of watching your acrobatics. I mean that jump, pretty limber for an old guy."

"Jubilation Lee I'm only thirty three. Still I suppose that seems ancient to a young woman of sixteen so I won't even bother arguing. Now I doubt you'd call Logan an old guy now would you?"

"Hey take it easy Hank, I'm just teasing. Maybe there's a little gray in your fur but it just makes you look distinguished. Anyway you look fine and fit, fur shining and silky smooth, do you mind if I give you a stroke?"

Without waiting for an answer she reached up, gently rubbing the fur on Hank's forearm. Jubilee was an expert at manipulating Wolverine into doing what she wanted. Hank was far easier than Logan to control; he was almost too softhearted for his own good. She'd get his guard down with a little flattery then play on his compassion about poor little Mack. She could keep him distracted until he agreed with a little judicious stroking of his fur. She knew his weak spots; just behind his ears was one and the silky fur on his cheek. Hank would soon be putty in her hands.

"That's most pleasing Jubilee, a sybaritic delight that appeals to my hedonistic nature. I know you're up to something though Jubilee."

"Whoa Hank, have you been working out. I mean just look at you, you're magnificent. Just look at those muscles," she traced his biceps with a fingertip. Despite his better judgment Hank found himself warming to the flattery and he flexed his muscles a little.

"It is perhaps surprising given the amount of Twinkies I consume that I manage to stay as trim as I do. However pleasing though it may be your feeble attempts at flattery will not weaken my resolve one iota. I will find a way to open a portal to the Mojoverse and Mack and any other loose X-Babies will be sent back home. That is final and nothing will change my mind," Hank gritted his teeth as Jubilee moved to rubbing his sideburns.

"Oh please Hank, I promise I'll be responsible for him and take good care of him. I'm sixteen you know and I'm mature and sensible enough to take that responsibility. Hey there's no to snigger like that Hank, it's not like you to be so skeptical."

"Jubilation Lee, I'm afraid mature, sensible, responsible are not words that come to mind when describing you. I mean no offence by that though. You're a very charming, vivacious and jocular young woman. Like me you remain young at heart, mischievous and hedonistic. I'm just afraid the combination of you and an X-Baby would be tantamount to invoking Armageddon. If Bobby got involved as 'father' that really doesn't bear thinking about."

He dropped down from the ceiling and perched on the bed. Hank's face softened a little and he spoke gently to Jubilee.

"I know you probably think he's small, fuzzy, cuddly and adorable but believe me X-Babies are not nearly as innocent as they look. Perhaps he really adores you but he's also a got a similar personality to the full-size Dark Beast. Add the genius intellect and sociopath tendencies to a child's mind and you have a very dangerous combination."

"Hank, I can wrap Logan around my little finger so Mack will be no problem. Besides he's just so totally cute and he really loves me. He's got the softest gray fur imaginable and he purrs Hank. You've got really silky blue fur and I wonder if you'll purr too,"

As Jubilee very gently scratched him behind the ear Hank's resolve nearly cracked. When she rested her head on his shoulder and hugged him he found a tear at the corner of his eye. 

"Maybe you can look after him just for a little while. However I will be making it a top priority to find a way to send him home. If we come across any more I'm afraid you can't keep them. I'm also holding you entirely responsible for Mack's conduct."

"Thanks Hank, believe me I won't let you down. We've always been good friends haven't we; I mean I'm nearly as close to you as I am to Wolvie. You're right too that at heart we're a lot alike. I mean when you poked your head out from the laboratory you were always ready to be my playmate. We had some great times together, thinking up pranks with Bobby, messing about in the pool, midnight feasts, giving Scott nervous breakdowns."

Hank's furry face split in a broad grin. He leaned back and rested his head on his arms.

"Yes Jubilee, we're still good friends now so I hope you'll heed my advice. Just be careful and remember I'll be holding you responsible for any mischief, chaos or property damage caused by that X-Baby. Now if you'll excuse me I'd like to finish my novel."

Jubilee planted a small kiss on his furry cheek. Hank gave her a smile and started reading his book again. He pillowed his head with his arms and leaned back. His agile toes easily held the book and turned the pages. Unfortunately just as Jubilee reached the door she couldn't resist the temptation for a little mischief. Turning she fired off a small paf which knocked Hank's book flying. With a startled grunt Hank lost his balance and slipped of the bed to land heavily on his posterior. By the time he recovered Jubilee was already at the door.

"Jubilation Lee!" growled Hank. She gave him a wave and dashed off.

Hank sighed and picked up his book again. He just hoped this time he'd actually be able to finish it in peace.

**An alley in ****New York******

Creed was still flat on his back and still furious over his humiliating defeat. He'd much rather have had a boot on his chest and a bo staff planted at his throat while a Cajun accent said," Bang you dead". He'd even have preferred two adamantium claws on either side of his throat while Logan asked him if he wanted to try for three. Instead Wolvie had just glared down at him and told him to say uncle. One thing Sabretooth never did was surrender and he certainly wasn't going to beg for mercy from a half-size runt. He'd simply sneered and laughed in Wolvie's face when the X-Baby had told him he'd have to get nasty. He'd fully expected those little claws to slice into his flesh but instead something rather different happened. The little runt was jumping up and down on his chest and with an adamantium laced skeleton it was rather painful for Creed. Sabretooth groaned in pain as his ribs creaked and the breath was knocked from his in an agonized grunt.

"Say uncle. Say uncle. Say uncle. Say uncle."

"Oh fer crying out loud, anything ya say bub. Uncle. Now get off my chest."

"Yay! I defeated Sabretooth and I'm the meanest and toughest X-Baby there is. I defeated Sabretooth. Sabretooth is a loser; Creed is just a scaredy cat. Sabretooth is a jerk, Creed is a big galoot. I defeated Sabretooth, I defeated Sabretooth!"

"Yer really starting ta annoy me kid," growled Creed.

"Do ya want ta know what I do ta my enemies when I defeat them?" asked Wolvie with another menacing grin.

"Annoy em ta death?"

"No I tickle them!"

Creed took a second to take this in. He still wasn't quite sure this was really happening, X-Babies was a concept he found just too surreal to be true. He was confused and his usual method of dealing with that was to just rip something to shreds. Feeling a cool draft he abruptly snapped back to reality and found a grinning Wolvie holding up his boots.

"Yer not joking are ya bub? Please I'm begging ya not ta do this. It's just too humiliating, please just slash me with yer claws or something like the runt would."

"No can do Sabrejerk," sneered Wolvie as he started peeling of Creed's socks.

Tears ran from Creed's eyes and he literally howled with laughter as the ticklish torment began. His eyes widened with horror as he realized someone was watching his humiliation. It was none other than the local friendly neighborhood arachnid. Obviously Spider-man had spotted him earlier and had trailed him expecting a fight. Wolvie looked up and grinned.

"Oh boy another fight for the invin- really mean and tough Wolvie."

Leaping with claws extended Wolvie didn't even notice Spider-man move. The little X-Baby snarled in frustration as webbing strands securely bound him. Spider-man waved an admonishing finger at his captive.

"Sorry little guy but that should hold you for a while. I suppose I'd better get you to the Xavier Institute since they ought to know how to deal with you. Now that just leaves what I'm going to do with you Sabretooth."

Creed had just finished slipping his boots back on. He glanced up at Spider-man and then fell to his knees a beseeching expression on his face. He began kissing Peter's boots and thanking him profusely.

"Ya don't need ta worry about me bub. I'm not going ta hurt anyone, just get a quiet drink or twelve ta calm my nerves. Then I'll just go crawl under a rock ta get over my humiliation. I'm going ta be no trouble fer ya at all."

Creed suddenly growled and following his gaze Peter saw the shredded webbing. Both men exchanged glances and nodded grimly.

"Let's just join forces shall we and see if we can capture that cute if annoying little menace?" muttered Peter Parker.

"Yeah I'm going ta give the kid a real spanking," snarled Creed.

**Back at the mansion**

Jubilee sighed, she'd expected that the first meeting between Mack and Wolverine was going to be 'interesting'. Logan had apparently been talking to Hank and shared the furry blue doctor's concerns. He'd caught up with her and hadn't responded to a cheery 'Hi Wolvie'. That was always a bad sign and he'd proceeded to growl, rage and generally tell her in no uncertain terms exactly what he thought about Mack. Not even the puppy dog eyes seemed to have any effect.

"Yer not keeping him darlin and that's final," snarled Logan.

"Look Hank agreed to it so I don't see what your problem is Wolvie. You're not jealous are you?"

Logan growled deep in his throat.

"Now look, there's no need to get all feral with me Logan. You know all that bristling and snarling and other macho stuff doesn't have any effect on me. Look he's no trouble at all really. Let me show him to you, he's really cute and I'm sure you'll love him," soothed Jubilee.

Turning round she hollered, "Come and say hello to Uncle Wolvie Mack!"

Logan stood and glared as a four foot tall furry gray Beast with gleaming yellow eyes emerged from Jubilee's bedroom. He didn't find it in the least amusing that she'd draped him in one of his old flannel shirt or put a Stetson on his head. A pang of jealousy ran through him as she lifted the Stetson and stroked the furry head. The jealousy turned to snarling rage as Mack hugged Jubilee and gave her a little purr.

"Isn't he cute Logan? He's just like you, small, hairy, cute and he adores me. I'm his Aunty Jubilee and you can be his Uncle Wolvie."

"I'd rather be his taxidermist," growled Logan.

Jubilee gave him a hard glare and Logan threw up his hands in surrender. As she continued to stare him down he reluctantly took a step forward and extended his hand.

"How do ya do bub," he growled.

"Say hello to Uncle Wolvie," said Jubilee in a cajoling tone.

Mack promptly sank his fangs in Logan's wrist.

"Yer in fer it now ya freaking fleabag," snarled Logan extending his claws.

Jubilee blocked his path and formed a small paf.

"Don't you dare Wolvie? You obviously frightened him so why don't you go and sit down. I'll give Mack a little talk about not biting my favorite feral."

**A few minutes later**

"I'm sorry Uncle Wolvie. You frightened me and I didn't mean to bite you. You're not mad at me are you?"

Logan had to admit the little fur-ball was actually quite cute. He certainly did look apologetic and those yellow eyes were just as beseeching as Jubilee's could be. With a fair attempt at a smile he gave the furry head a pat.

"I suppose I was a little jealous bub. I forgive ya and no I'm not mad at ya."

Mack smiled sweetly and held out a can of beer.

"This is for you Uncle Wolvie to make up for biting you."

"Mighty decent of ya bub," 

Logan took a deep gulp of the refreshing brew. If it tasted a little funny he paid it no heed. Actually it tasted great, extremely refreshing in fact. He didn't notice Mack's smile turn into an evil grin or that the beer actually contained a trace of a very special serum.

Mack dashed out of the room chuckling to himself.

"That will teach the stupid cretin a lesson. How naïve he was not to realize that he's about to have a rather beastly experience. 'Beastly experience', man I kill myself!"

Mack rolled on his back and roared with laughter as Logan's terrified yells alerted the entire mansion. A beastly experience was the perfect description for what had just occurred to the hapless feral.


	3. True Evil Never Looked This Cute

**True Evil Never Looked This Cute**

****

"Well the age of miracles is not yet past it seems. I finally managed to finish my book!"

Hank removed his reading spectacles and placed them and the book neatly on the chair arm. Then he just leaned back in his chair, pillowed his arms behind his head and let out a contented sigh. Hopefully with Wolverine here Jubilee would be harassing him instead and Bobby would probably not be getting up to any more pranks that day. The only other X-Men present in the mansion were actually capable of reasonably adult behavior most of the time. He actually felt truly happy for the first time that day, so happy in fact he felt like singing.

"I feel pretty, oh so pretty. I feel pretty and witty and gay. And I pity any Beast that isn't me today," 

He rubbed his chin thoughtfully.

"I wonder why Bobby always seems to think it hilarious when I sing that song."

Not wanting to bother with this knotty problem he simply decided to shut his eyes and get some well earned rest. Unfortunately just a few minutes later his rest was disturbed by the creak of the door handle being turned. Hank's furry ears twitched but he remained snoozing. Heavy footsteps stomped across the floor and Hank's ears twitched again but he still remained sleeping. It was only when he heard the low growl that he finally awoke. Blinking Hank failed to recognize Logan at first since the feral was rather more hirsute than usual.

"This is all yer fault Beast fer letting Jubilee keep that little fur-ball. Just ya take a look at what the fuzzy freak did ta me. I look like a freaking werewolf!" snarled Logan.

"Actually my dear Logan you look halfway handsome now and you'll find women tend to like the fur. A rather nice shade of sable it is too and very luxuriant and glossy."

"What I want ta know Beastie boy is what ya intend ta do about it," Logan's voice was ominously calm and his hazel eyes had narrowed menacingly.

"Well I suppose you could try waxing or just have an all over body shave. I do have a good depilatory cream I created which we could try. Alternatively we can wait and see if this is a temporary phenomenon."

That hadn't been the answer Logan wanted to hear. With Hank seemingly unsympathetic to his trauma he found the anger rising within him. When Hank yawned and began to shut his eyes again Logan's delicate temper frayed and he finally snapped. Growling Logan popped out his claws and leapt at Hank.

"Stars and garters, I resent this unwarranted and brutish display of aggression towards my ever-effervescent bodacious self!"

Hank leapt off the chair just as Logan landed on it. Clinging to the ceiling with his claws Hank prepared to leap across the room and escape through the open door. Sadly Logan seemed out for blood and it was extremely unlikely he'd allow Hank to escape now. With another savage snarl Logan slashed out with his claws driving them towards Hank's face. Hank twisted his head away and instead of slicing flesh the claws sliced fur. Thanks to the adamantium claws Hank now had a rather nice military style crew-cut although the loss of one sideburn was rather unfortunate.

"Time fer a good shave Hank and these claws make excellent razors. Soon yer going ta be the bolding blue beast," Logan grinned fiercely and gave Hank a menacing chuckle.

"You diminutive, psychotic, testosterone-overdosed, hirsute malingerer, I'm going to have to get rather beastly on you now!"

Hank's lips curled back revealing sharp white fangs as he gave a snarl of his own. All he'd wanted was to be left in peace and he could do without feral's deciding to use him as a scratching post. With a feral roar Hank leapt on top of Logan and soon the two were rolling on the floor grappling with each other. While Logan may have had the edge in ferocity, Hank's superior speed and strength more than made up for this.

It was a few minutes later and they were still locked in a stalemate although most of the furniture had been smashed. Jubilee had just been passing by as she was looking for Mack who'd disappeared again. She'd roped in Bobby and Kurt to help her but so far they'd had little success. On hearing the growls and crashes coming from inside the lounge she was naturally curious. Opening the door she gave a gasp of horror at seeing Hank apparently locked in mortal combat with a rather short werewolf. She gave a further gasp as she recognized the werewolf as Logan with a rather nice coat of black fur.

"Unglaublich, we must stop them before they kill each other Jubilee. We can't just stand by while our friends are fighting each other."

"Yeah elf but you know how strong Hank is and well Logan's in a frenzy and he won't be afraid to use his claws. If we get caught in the middle we'll be crushed or shredded. Man, I've already got on Hank's bad side already today," 

Jubilee simply gave one of her wicked smiles and beckoned them closer. Putting an arm around their shoulders she drew them close.

"Don't worry guys I've got the perfect plan."

She whispered in their ears and both men nodded. The plan might just work. Kurt quickly teleported into the room and Bobby iced up and formed his ice slide. Jubilee wafted away the stench of sulfur and brimstone and when she'd finally stopped shivering she too charged into the room.

**Mojoverse**

"There'th no need to worry now Apocalythe, I've managed to repair the portal devithe. Now we can thend our generically, darn I mean genetically thuperior fortheth through into the new dimenthion and retrieve Dark Beathtie and Wolvie."

Thinithter's beady red eyes glowed brightly in his pallid face as he bowed deeply to his master. He'd have the opportunity to show he was a whole lot smarter than his furrier rival and he'd conquer this new world for his master. 

"Exthellent Thinithter, thith pweases me gweatly and I will lend you the rest of the AoA X-Babies. Go through the portal and don't thtop until you wetwieve our missing pair and destwoy the world for me. Don't fail me or you go in the naughty cupboard."

The screen went blank and Thinithter stood up. As he did he cursed silently noticing his cape was askew. Now he'd have to take it off, readjust it and then put it back on. The only trouble was he always had a hell of a job figuring out how to remove it. Reaching awkwardly he managed to trip over the end of the cape and crash heavily onto his posterior.

"Oh darn," spat Thinithter.

Unnoticed by him a pair of X-Babies chose that moment to sneak past him and activate the portal device. Soon the terror of X-Babies Sparkla and Popsicle would be released upon the unsuspecting X-Men. If anything they could come up with even more devious and downright despicable pranks than their counterparts.

**Back at the mansion**

Jubilee's plan had worked to perfection; Kurt had managed to teleport behind the pair while Bobby sent in a wave of snow to cool them off. Then while they were distracted they could manage to subdue them until they finally calmed down long enough for the problem to be sorted out. Since all three of them together were no match physically for either of the pair let alone both they'd needed another method. Jubilee's solution was rather simple.

Hank was flat on his back roaring with helpless laughter, fists pounding the floor. Despite his thrashing and frantic struggles he couldn't escape. Kurt was presently perched on his chest and using one talent few knew about but those that did greatly feared. He was a devilish tickler and his three fingered hands were presently digging into his ribs while his tail worked its way into a sensitive spot under Hank's armpit. Bobby meanwhile had repeated his earlier trick with the ice-cubes once he'd ensured Logan was safely subdued. Hank's laughter became a full blown howl as Kurt's tail moved onto his bare feet.

"You know Wolvie; this fur is lovely and soft. It looks good on you, makes you look rather handsome. Did you know that Hank likes it if you just stroke his arm gently? Look would you like me to show you?"

Jubilee gently rubbed the new black fur on Logan's forearm and the feral shut his eyes contentedly. Jubilee smiled knowing that with his superior tactile sense it would be even more effective on him than it was with Hank. Slowly Logan's head fell to his chest and he began to snooze contentedly.

"Do you surrender Herr McCoy?"

Then he was yelping in pain as a furry blue hand grabbed hold of his tail and swinging him round flung him half way across the room. Growling Hank gave the furry blue elf such a ferocious glare that Kurt quickly bamfed away in another puff of sulfur and brimstone. Bobby meanwhile was falling to his knees as a very angry Hank advanced upon him.

"Hey buddy it was only a spot of tickling, Jubilee thought you were upset so we needed to lighten the mood. You're not going to throw me in the lake are you? Hey what are you, please no!"

Too late as he was grabbed by the scruff of the neck and Hank was snarling at him revealing long sharp fangs. Bobby gulped as the claws descended and wondered just how many weeks he'd need in hospital. Then he was laughing hysterically as Beast began tickling him.

"As you reap so shall you sow Robert Drake? As for Kurt, I may have dislocated his tail but I shall of course apologize to him later. That's if he ever dares to show his face to me again. What's this? No need to beg for mercy just yet Bobby. The piece of slate and my claws is still to come!"

"Alright people would you care to explain to me just what is going on?"

Scott stood hands on hips in the doorway with his best 'stern leader' expression. Before anyone could come up with even a flimsy excuse they were rescued by the arrival of Bishop with a frantically struggling diminutive furry gray X-Baby tucked under his arm.

"OK who does this Mini-me version of Beast belong to? I caught the furry freak in my room playing with one of my guns. I had a hell of a job trying to catch him; he was bouncing all over the place. Strong little critter too, nearly sent me flying a time or two. Anyway does anybody claim him or do I have your permission Scott to shoot the little freak?"

"Jubilation Lee, I'm sure this is your doing," Scott was staring straight at her.

"Put me down you utter ignoramus," snarled Mack before sinking his fangs into Bishop's wrist. 

With a yelp of pain Bishop dropped the X-Baby who ran and hid behind Jubilee.

"I'm still waiting for an explanation," said Scott in his sternest tones.

**Mansion grounds**

Remy LeBeau couldn't quite believe his eyes when the portal popped open in front of him and six small beings emerged. One of them was all too familiar as he stepped up to him. The pale white skin, burning red eyes, a purple costume and a strange cape albeit slightly askew meant it could only be Sinister. Not the Nathaniel Essex that Remy knew of course since this one was rather smaller and spoke with a lisp.

"I am Mithter Thinithter, I command the Horthkidth of Apocalythe and you are doomed pretty boy! Allow me to introduthe my forthes."

"Oui mon ami, knock yourself out."

"I already did that thilly when I tripped over my cloak. Oh never mind I'll introduthe you to X-Tra Thpecial firtht. He'th really thpecial, the motht powerful X-Baby ever. I thould know, cauthe I'm the one who created him. Say hello Nate."

X-Tra Special hovered in front of Remy and gave him a slight bow. He was wearing a leather jacket and had a white streak in his hair.

"Now the four Horthekidth. Firth we have Thughar Kid, he'th Famine since he's always hungry."

A grotesque creature with four arms, horns and a huge gaping mouth with an enormously elongated tongue gave him a wave. Then Sugar Kid returned to shoveling various junk foods into his mouth.

"Here ith Thaggletooth. He's Death, because he's really tough, fierce and mean."

A growling blonde X-Baby leapt at Remy with claws and fangs extended. Remy reached out snagged him by the ponytail and set him down on the ground again.

"Remy think dat you lot cuter dan de Creed dat he knows garcon."

Snaggletooth merely blinked amber eyes at him and growled under his breath.

"Ith we can get back to the thubject in hand I will introduthe War. Thith ith Tantrum and he'th very, very dangerouth. He'th got enough energy to blow up a whole thity or maybe even a world."

A skeletal figure within an orange power suit fired a crackling energy bolt at a nearby tree setting it ablaze.

"Latht and motht definitely leatht we have Morph. He'th Pethtilenthe becauthe he'th thuch a petht and he can change into anything,"

Morph shifted form to an exact duplicate of Rogue and advanced upon Remy with puckered lips. He hastily retreated back a few steps and Morph shifted to normal form amidst a fit of giggles.

"Are you frightened Gambit?" asked Thinithter red eyes glinting menacingly.

Remy simply slapped his thigh and chuckled.

"Non mon ami, Remy think dat de only danger is dat he might die laughing. Merde, true evil never looked this cute,"

Then Remy simply couldn't control his mirth any longer and simply laughed and laughed until the tears rolled down his cheeks.

"Oh darn," sighed Thinithter.


End file.
